outer reflections

"You create your own difficulties." -- Seth

Now, that statement, that concept, that truth may seem daunting to some, or maybe most others, however I find it liberating. If I create my own difficulties than I can clear them up too, I don't have to wait around or rely upon others to do it for me, and All That Is knows that I haven't got the inclination to wait or depend upon others to set my life down a path of fulfillment.

I suppose it helps to know just how one can diffuse, dismantle and unravel difficulties and transform them into ease of living, opportunity and success.

Pluck out the negative thoughts and beliefs from yourself and then plant the positive, the ideal, the essence of what you want. Not sure where to begin? Look around you, the environment, the people, co-workers, loved ones, friends...they reflect your beliefs, they reflect where you are in your unerstanding of your inner self. The outer world is a direct reflection of your inner self.

Observe, reflect, articulate.

I've been noticing lately that I am surrounded by numerous friends who have definite, proven artistic talent of extraordinary vision, and each of them are struggling with choosing the path of devoting their energy to their belief in themselves, and the validity of their interests. They are each questioning the validity and value of their expressions, and some to the point of stagnation. Some are suffering from one or another mental or physical ailment, and I know the reason is blocked flow of energy, of expression.

I can see the same struggle in myself. I am not any "better" than any of the others in terms of evolution, there is no measurement, no competition. There can be physical proof however in how much we use the abilities that we have. I am on an edge, I and I have been approaching it for some time now. The closer I get to the point of proof, the more adament is my support to my friends that they take the chance and invest all their effort in going for what they want, be the painter, be the artist, be the writer, the actress, the dancer, the singer, the healer, astrologer, spiritual teacher. I am not talking about one person, I am talking of at least nine people in my immediate circle.

I can't ignore that. I am forced (by my own internal drive to live, to be) to ask myself, what are these friends reflecting that is my own internal state? The hesitation to follow my deepest interests, to believe that what I am interested in, is valuable, without justification, with the trust that it makes a contribution. To have faith in myself.

I suppose there could be a person without artistic inclinations, without a searing personal expression on the tip of her tongue who is surrounded by immensely talented friends. It's possible. I have attempted to believe that I was her, but I cannot any longer. I feel an immense responsibility, to myself mostly, yet I know that since WE are all connected, it is a larger sense of responsibility, to accept the gift of life, the gift of being a creator, and to run with it, to color with the most vibrant colors, to not hold back, to not question myself into a fetal position.

Some people are models, we all are really, some are more pronounced about it. I think I might be one of the latter. I think maybe. In anycase, it has been a challenge to own that. I feel big things for my life inside me, and sometimes it is really exciting and sometimes it is really scary. What I know, though, is that the pain of not moving towards the fulfillment of those big ideas and visions, is greater than the scary feeling of insecurity that wells inside of me when I consider BEING all of me expressed as I know is possible. I am propelled by an internal drive that I can't pinpoint right now. It isn't against my will, it might be the will of my greater self who knows better than my chicken self.

bock bock.

I've come to the year in my life where I am faced with what seems to be a big step in my development and I am hemming and hawing but I know I'm getting ready to go for it.