12th day

12th day of suicide attempt aftermath...I think there's a song in there somewhere.

Sitting at my local cafe, The Last Laugh, and one of my cafe friends was getting updated on my life, he's the last to hear apparently. He's a bit queeny and allm into recovery stuff, and he immediately said, "omigod so the relationship's over, right?" Me: uuhhhh.... "No way girl, you gotta draw a line somewhere." Me: like at Highland street?

It is so easy to be healthy in relationships when it isn't your own relationship, isn't it? Honestly, I haven't time to really think about the details, I am, in my own way, treading water, very very deep water, and it is almost all that I can do to not be zombie-like.

It isn't that I am trying to put a good face on everything, but I *do* have to live, the show must go on, and there are things to do. I have to *live* everyday, I cannot stay in bed with the covers over my head.

The hardest thing is school. I feel lost, as though I didn't prepare in general well enough. I know that I keep moaning about this. I haven't written a formal paper in, oh, ever, and there's so much to know in writing a 15 page research paper (which is *not* a personal reflection paper) that not only do I have to do the basic research and writing, but the formatting and reading about the formatting takes as much time as the research.

I've got to hold out, just two more weeks, but it is taking more energy than I actually have right now. I should say 'focus' rather than energy. I can hardly focus on much right now.