Fairfax Forest

This is my very good friend, Ute. We are in one of my favorite areas, Fairfax Forest. Well, there's no such place, but there is. Celeste says that I look like a forest monk, so be it.

I love this child as if she were my own, funny how that can happen. I will likely not have my own child, to the chagrin of some, however I find a great desire in being a tremendously exuberant "auntie." Loving a child and being a guardian while one is the primary adult around, is a truly amazing opportunity. No expectations can or should be projected upon the child to respond or behave or feel a particular way.

Often when I arrive to play with my friend on our weekly date, while her mother attends to some errands, Ute will look blankly at me and say simply, "no." Her mother will say, "oh say hi to auntie Cassie", but I feel that a child shouldn't be forced to do so. There are so few ways that a child can direct her daily life, so few choices she has when she is so easily moved around by an adult, pulled to and fro. I wish for her to be genuinely pleased to see me. Without fail, after a few minutes she is running around saying my name.

I of course would love it if, when she grows, she sees me as a good friend, and enjoys spending time adventuring the world together, be it our local park, or some far off land on a vacation. But I recall how I myself had a favorite person, a woman I considered my second mother. I adored her when I was a child, I would get my hair cut like hers, I would be thrilled to have our special luncheon together. She eventually succumbed to cancer and though I sent packages of herbs and had a few sessions of Reiki with her, I feel that in some way, I failed her.

It is easy to say that, though it may not be so. Her life was very complicated and it wasn't so easy to spend as much time with her as I can regret not spending with her in retrospect. I had made a vow to myself that I wouldn't assume that cancer was a death sentence and become somber. I stuck to my ideals of visiting her as much as I would as if she were well, because in truth she had great vitality.

Yet now that she's gone, I wish that when I'd lived a few blocks from her, that I'd visited more. And yet, she hadn't called me either.

If I have learned anything from the death of my dear friend Inez, I learned that I must keep in touch, I must make an effort to see others. So as Ute grows up into her life, I will not just leave my door unlocked, I will send invitations for her to come see me.

Having a child in one's life is a really neat thing. I think of all kinds of fun things to do, the simple things of going to the park and saying hi to all the flowers and trees and animals. And she does this! I tell her that the trees are our friends and she says hi to them and even kisses them! How fun it is to provide impressions that she may not even remember but that may inspire her someday, the essence alone motivating her. Though if she is true to her Virgo nature, like Zuzu, she'll remember every darn little thing and where and when I said it!

Blessings upon little Ute!