Whiney

I'll do anything to not work today. I didn't want to come when I was waking up at 5a.m. and I don't want to be here now, sorry Ram Dass. I probably shouldn't have decided to stop drinking coffee today,a Monday, it certainly hasn't helped me feel less foggy in the head. Funny though, the moment that I'm not at work, such as on my lunchbreak in the park in the sun reading a book I like, I feel fine! The foggy isn't there, although I could've taken a nice nap in the sun.

I've got two files on my desk of people who died over the weekend, however neither has living relatives who care about them, or alive to care, and so conservators and trustee's abound. Neither conservator nor trustee wants to come into the officeso I can fax them all the documents. This is fine for me, because then I don't have to rush. In fact, I can string these out and basically do them tomorrow.

I just stopped and did a little work: called the medical examiner, called the trustee, called the doctor.

Back to me.... I've been thinking about possibly getting a graduate degree. I've been thinking about this possibly helping me to refine some of my own ideas about life. I try to think that I'm not one of those people who gets a graduate degree because she's bored. Am I? I'm feeling left behind in what I think is a primary "chosen field" of mine, which I think might be called transpersonal psychology. I don't know.

I feel a bit of a need to define whatever it is that I'm interested in, so that I can "move forward" in my life and do something besides lackey jobs.

I'm finding it hard to decide what I like most. Right now, I'd like to be the fire look-out in Pt. Reyes, living by myself with my cat and maybe a dog and nothing but time, and the trees and the animals. Have I missed my ship? Did I see it coming but meander dispassionately towards the dock?

I just feel as though I don't fit anywhere.