the plan (for now)

Eureka!

I love Susan Miller's astrology, but she doesn't do weekly columns, so for that I turn to Rob Brezny. This week he uses the anaology of a butterly larve and pupa phases to explain the phases I'm approaching. In the next few days I'll be entering the larval stage where I stuff myself with nutrition (practicing Reiki and other stuff i do) and in about six months, right before my birthday, moving into the pupa stage (transforming my self into my mature form) to emerge the butterfly summer of 2002. I get inspired by that, and a spring in my step because it resonates my own personal time line that I'd been feeling inside.

It also puts my Reiki practice into perspective for me. I've been nervous (as you've read) about my 'practice' and for reasons I've not shared. Will I really get enough clients, do I know what I'm doing, what if I suck..... The thing is, I don't share this information because I go about resolving those doubts and feelings differently than the way people tend to support me in resolving them, and I can't afford to try and explain my process when it extends into frameworks of reality that they aren't accustomed to thinking in, and supporting myself. So I opt for staying mostly inside and support myself at the same time. it's one thing to deal with my own insecurities, and doubts and just plain trouble trying to deal with others'. It's not so easy at times.

Anyway, I got to thinking about that all my life I've loathed going through 'steps' to get someplace (i flunked geometry for that reason. i knew the final answer but wouldn't note the process of getting it there, always irritated that I had to explain anything), and I recognize that I'm doing this now. I have the greater long term existence in view, yet I have to walk through the landscape of experience to get there. Pooh. I had been forgetting the larger idea.

I began to talk of some of the larger picture with Zuzu last night. It involves a storefront, a san francisco victorian storefront completely filled with books and music and other tools for self exploration, things that I have a pretty good knowledge about. Not only am I familiar with the products themselves, but I've been a buyer of such things, as well as helped run retail business' so I know what it takes to pull it off. I envision 'treatment' and 'consultation' rooms in the rear, and ultimately a garden for general relaxation.

I see my shop as a casual place and a bit of a community center. My friend KMKennedy runs a cafe and we've talked of connecting our efforts, one complimenting the other.

Anyway, it dawned on me that I'me feeling the symptoms of "having a hard time" because I am aware of my larger goal and am irritated that I have to go through the smaller steps, and kind of losing steam. I felt a lot better when I figured this out, and now that I know all of that, I'm okay with the small step I'm taking.

Next steps:

fix credit

resolve taxes

put together a business plan outline of larger goal that I'm aware of right now

investigate business loans thru my credit union

possibly look for a partner (though I like being my own boss)

work on my manifestation/intention of my desire

practice practice practice Reiki/healing in the place that I've created for myself