Whew

Whew. The third and final recommendation letter for school has been sent. Just in time to arrive for my interview. I am grateful for all of the energy expended on my behalf, and hope that I make the most of school, and myself to repay such faith in me. Goddess I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Went out to Fort Funston with CW earlier this evening. The temperature was quite warm really, and there was no wind where we were.

Although overcast at the ocean and the western half of San Francisco, we saw the sun shining through the clouds at Point Reyes and north of it.

We went to the ocean to calm CW's nerves. She's having a hard time. And I am beginning to get impatient. When I got home from my fabulous walk in the woods, she was anxious and freaking out and practically hyperventilating and acting like a lost zombie. We worked in the garden for a bit, picking up two huge baskets of pears from the tree. Sienna the cat had a great time jumping into the tree, swatting pears down onto our heads. The brat.

We ate lunch and then I wanted to take a nap. CW was agitatingly mildly freaking still, and couldn't stop moving, doing chores. She wanted my company because it calms her, and I simply wanted to lounge. Finally I got her to take a nap. Afterwards she got agitated racing mind again, and kept asking what she should do, she thinks she should be doing something. Like chores. I very directively told her that she had to calm down. Must.

Her last day of work is the 29th. She is going to have a lot of time on her hands to whip herself up into an agitated frenzy while I am away. She's taking pharms for anxiety and sleep. Mostly she doesn't want to, but they are helping somewhat. I'm not a fan of them either, because I'm sure they have funky side effects, but they do help a little.

All I know is that I'm getting tired. I will give this condition a year. If not much has changed or if it gets worse, I'm going to suggest that she sell the house, move to Portland and get a condo near her sisters, because I'm not ready to be a caregiver for the next 20 years.

It is like walking on eggs shells with steel toed works boots every day. What level of sensitivity is it today, this hour or the next.

I just can't live the life of a recluse simply because CW is an HSP.

All I want is for her to feel better.